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The weirdest thing is at some point you stop realizing that the way everyone behaves in berlin isnt normal. And then you get scared of leaving as you are used to the routine of it all and closing yourself off in your own little world. And then it sucks you in coz you keep thinking eventually things will get better, eventually ill get closer to people if im just more patient. But you never will coz thats not how it works here
All Germans have autism, or at the very least some kind of personality disorder. Their parents never told them that they love them (and I do mean here that statistically very close to 100% of Germans were never told by their parents that they were loved). This is classic "get them before they get me" behavior because no one here trusts anyone and they fear strangers by default. They spend 15 years in school with the same dopey classmates all day every single year and cannot form short-term and/or new relationships at all. It's time for me to stop analyzing and bitching and GTFO of here. I would suicide by defenestration but living here so long I have become so unimportant that I am not sure I would even make impact.
There is so many things that seem as they are not here, that you never guess. People seem really, like they don't interact just normally. Little things like, a woman at a checkout. The guy before you really relates to her a "bye and have a good day". She doesn't really respond and feels a little uncomfortable. Then it's your turn and she starts fukking looking around when saying hello to you as if she is looking for nothing she cud ever look for and it appears as if she is ignoring you just because of this Idk what. There is people who have a chat together at checkouts and they really have a good time kind of, but then they view the next person as somebody who draws them back to their everyday, when you just fukking didn't mind anything. They start fukking ignoring you. There is people who are afraid to react and they fukking bluff. You give them 10 Euro and it cost more than that like 12.34 or so, so you get out the other money, because you have it in your pockets. Meanwhile she turns away. She just fukking turns away. 1 moment later you got the money and she looks into the air and you want to give the money to her which is a sign that you know she's not absent. And she keeps looking and then she turns to you like she was there all the time. Because she was afraid to react or something. You might say: Well you been there all the time. She might say: Isn't that strange? And you say: Yeah really strange. Then she starts fukking dumping the money on this thing. And I felt whenever I see somebody again staring in the fukking air in such a situation I will lay the money on the thing for it and just proceed. I felt that she wud like that. Then there is bakers who pick up that you just wanted to buy 1 piece of cake because hey your tone went down and hey they are a human being so they figured it out. But they say: Is that all? They don't say smth like: "That was all" kind of a question. To express how they feel. Idk if it is fear or passive aggressive. I got another one. I was walking up to him to pay. Then he asked. I bought another. Since everytime you speak like you still want to add something they go like: Außerdem! often like a barked order. They also often they are so busy when they pack that one piece of cake where you feel like saying: It's a piece of cake eh. And to me it feels I respect them, They have something to do, I respect that. They have so many customers, they can't pick up all the cues.I respect that they ask. It's okay. It's a social thing, of respect and boundaries. But if there is a lack of respect. I mean I'd just say That was all thank you, but I was testing it and his face dropped and why is that, and why was he so quick to go like We cud have packed that with the other cake. It made me wonder.
Before I moved here I never thought about this kind of mundane stuff but now that I have been here a while I honestly have forgotten how to just freaking walk past a person on the street. In other countries I'd just smile or give an acknowledging nod or something but here I always feel the need to pretend I am distracted by nothing at all to avoid eye contact because that's what everyone else does. No wonder Aspergers is named after a place in Germany.
It's good to remember that it should never be a big deal to walk past each other. No matter if there is any complications. It just shouldn't be a big deal. And it's good to not get any of these things (I mean it can help to not be confused maybe but there is already a shortcut seemingly for it), I didn't mean to think about it, I was just venting when I did. It's better to feel oneself, come from there. Which is not an easy thing here, but it means that you not get any of the crazy stuff that isn't actually even real. I try to give an example. The other day I was buying cigarettes at a gasstation. And upon going inside, the guy already said hello in what you could call a somewhat dominant way. Kind of surprisingly. While I think surprise happens a lot because of people taking longer to get to things. So he addressed me in this weird way. And I just replied back, I didn't care how it sounds. He also didn't really have much own energy, hard to describe. So I just replied back expressively, meaning as I felt. I didn't react obviously. So then I said what I want and I didn't look yet if they actually had both sizes. I then did and saw that they had and was about to add things, when he interrupted me. Big/small? Nothing commanding, just really dumb you cud say. Trying to force his thing and make you fit to it. But I wasn't into such dumb fight. So I didn't mind. He confused me and I couldn't think of the price for it so I just said small. I took his as for what I needed so to speak. He then added: I think they are for 6.70. Which was unreal dumb you cud say. Because of course I know that, he just confused the heck out of me, cut me off. But I just didn't reply, because it didn't apply to me. He then said this.. have a nice evening in a very unrelating way but I just said the same back kindly you could say. In hindsight I felt he thought I was like speechless or such. Which was my point that I just didn't get it because I was busy being. And I then said bye kindly since I felt alright because I was just true to myself and he replied bye back as what sounded like kermit the frog. I still don't quite get what was up with him.
I feel now this is just a really far away from reality attempt to describe how I felt. I had quite a negative experience the day before and so on. Today I feel angry for example, and there is no way that I would feel the same like there. It just makes it all look the wrong way. I truly dislike it today but I don't wanna fukking think about it. It's just how I feel. I don't wanna say anything how to be. I mean you might say I was true to myself and that's a good thing. But I feel it gives it the impression as if there was like a certain way to be, something that feels rly narrow and it really is. If we don't feel the way we do, then everything is just not right. I didn't want to know 1 thing about it afterwards. And I just woke up with a bad feel about it and it's too hard to write about it. It's hard to resolve something that shudnt be there in the first place. One gotto be with how you feel. What is your life, what you want to do. Many things from there appear not so important. If you think of such details, you can't feel how you actually feel. even though I wrote that I was just myself but look it's not inspiring in a feeling way. It's a description. It just undermines everything I feel. Idk something like that. I just feel like to delete it. By writing about it it appeared as if there was anything to it. When I just felt as I felt. I didn't want to think about it afterwards, that undermines it. It's all whatever because it matters to leave I think. Maybe I felt the way I shud only felt after leaving and that can be a bad thing while seeing that in a fearful way would not be good. I was just writing to like talk about it I guess. Nothing of I wrote I actually knew when I was as I was and as I wrote today I feel angry. I lost my rehearsal room here for fake reasons. And I wish I had just told him that he lies. I think it is really lame. Even what I write here, just fu.ck it. Just freaking don't even. We are beings. You can't put the finger on something, it will slip away.
And nobody even wants to put a finger on anything. It just drags on. Not that it's a big deal...All this lowness is so lame. I actually don't wish that I told him that he lies. Because I couldn't. I just feel really. angry. because I really love to sing. It brought me in touch with my life and I realized I was thinking bout the wrong things. I felt angry when my thoughts drifted to thinking of him lieing to me. He told me someone pissed in bottles. They threw out someone like this before. And I felt my feelings were like to listen to my feel to pause, not answer his questions. To ask him what bottles, when. or to just outright feel angry: Listen to me. It's pretty clear that nobody ever pissed in any bottles...And in case someone told him poop or put them in there, he could tell by my anger what is true. But I feel he just wanted me to feel afraid to look as if I lie. He clearly tried to push me in a direction. I even whitelied about the key number he wanted to have, that he though apparantly already had. Just to give me a hint, that he will just change the locks...And my thoughts drifted to it when I woke up and I just felt angry to think of it. I felt angry that it felt like he was above and I had these thoughts how do I get back at him and he just appeared above and it's just wrong. My singing is not only with this room, I felt. This drawninness to like want to redo while it's on a low level. I didn't actually feel much hurt, I know I will heal this so fuc.k it. And atst it felt soothing, like licking wounds. I thought of things that are good. How can somebody be like this and be above. Especially I was just. holding. back. I could have told him all kinds of other things. I was trying to keep my room. And I think it's not quite right to question myself or come from below when I never was there. I don't want to fight with him either. I might want to tell him how I actually feel but that's all. It made me so think about it to keep the page of what was up. When "fake reason throwing out" is all that there is. And it's truly ridiculous in a good way compared to how I can sing. I just feel really angry when somebody wants to take that away from me. While I might feel better maybe in a day or two which made me kind of passive often. Overthinking. When I read this today, what I wrote, it would just irritated me I guess. Maybe it just appears as something else than it is Idk but you see I can't resolve it. And it's relievingly not needed. I just actually am trying to say to listen to your gut and feel. I guess that's all I tried to do. And the other things might be understanding maybe. But what does it matter when you feel as you do, that's the last moment you want to try to figure anything out. Let's say somebody ignores you at supermarket, you already know what is up anyway. We always know already. Or you might not care. I wouldn't care today because I feel different. And sometimes it's just a feel of ..it is Something and you don't even care what it is. Today I would see that as distracting. It would make me angry to think about it. So it's stupid to say to not put finger on it. It's like my anger went in the wrong way, to for example him, not for moving on and doing what is mine.
Just cross out the last sentence. You see I didn't mean to write so much. If I could deleted it I would just done that. So yeah anyway fornicate this sh.it...this sh.it like the lies of the guy I wrote about it makes one put the focus on oneself, question one's soul and it's just not quite right
What you all think of this?
de.indeed.com/m/viewjob
The first shocking experience was trying to pay cigarettes with a 50 euro note and hearing the cashier comment "Das ist Mafia geld". I exploded: "Excuse me?! Do you know there are people who escape Italy because of the Mafia? And by the way, do you want my money or should I give it to your competitor? Don't be surprised if you lose all your customers with that attitude!". He changed attitude immediately and started saying "entschuldigung..." repetitely. As if the thought of it had never passed his mind (that if you abuse your customer, you lose business... strange, eh?). I attended a master degree in one of the famous old universities in the city (in english as it is about attracting students from all over the world". The creative director of the course knows nothing about film nor anthropology but since he makes gay porn and was a pupil of Marina Abramovic (you either are a satanist or you are not an artist anymore, apparently), then he's the right person there, to harass and push everyone who is not going to watch his "selection" of Berlinale films or take part in the obnoxious production of so called "alternative" films where it's cool if you accidentally receive some dude's sems on the camera. He singles me out, since I dared express the notion of trasmutation of sexual energy (something more spiritual and soulful than mindless sex and violent speech) and had my own things going on and some other students were keen on exchanging and sharing projects with me. He had to abuse me verbally on the projection night of our films, he could not stand not sending me home in tears, because you either are a hussy and proud of it or you are a bigot catholic on his eyes. Last week my boyfriend got attacked under my home by racist thugs who took him as a jew (he's iranian), he daily gets shouted by everyone and asked if he carries a bomb. In his words, if they really think he has a bomb on him the whole time, then they should probably try harder than assault him with a pair of keys as they did. It was comical if not horrible, as he rang the first doorbell (you know, those houses where you have to ring at three separate doors/gates to get in) then disappeared until night. I was living in denial as I subcosciously was preparing my way out (never managed to stay a whole year, only portions) but his experience made me realise things further, as he's been here longer, speaks fluent german and has even been manager of a refugee camp in the past so he knows the outs and abouts of it. We are going to be gone before end of year. The only reason I survived was the luck of some very nice italian friends who live nearby and the community of expats who count lovely asian and south american people (and lovely people from all over the world but the ones I keep in touch are mostly latinos and asians or mediterraneans). No german friends stuck to us until now, and I am a very friendly and openminded person. I though I was escaping fascist and closeminded Italy for something better. At least we had the style, the culture, the food and the art of friendship there. I had to expat hard to understand my own culture, and stop believing the propaganda that was pushed down our throat for decades, even in Italy (that we are the worst of Europe in everything, and that Germany is always better). Thanks for this site and the amazing posters for helping me burst the bubble. I am so happy I never went through with the full commitment to learn the language, since there is nothing interesting, deep or inspiring to share with most people here, and I feel that portion of my brain would be better spent thinking about something more inspiring, more intelingent, more interesting. Hell, I'd rather learn Georgian or Farsi than Geman, nevermind the alphabet struggles The few german friends I have around the world speak to me in Italian or French, and have spent long years abroad or never came back to DE. And to think that, if things were different, we could have all these talented people from over the world connect and create an expat community in Rome, Madrid or Athens, with the better weather, architecture, nature and human connection. I hope it will happen one day, but in the meanwhile we will go east then south. The only good thing if that I haven't lost money as I have bought a flat with inheritance (don't envy me: money=dead family) so didn't pay rent and will make a profit selling soon. The idea of making a profit in Germany and paying taxes in Italy somehow feels like a small compensation, and I like it. Never got into the drugs culture and never appreciated electronic music, nor scary sexual culture where if you love with all your heart and want to live poetically, then you are treated as a freak. Also, I am a highly sensitive person. So, when I see abuse and cynicism it's like it's happening to me, every time. I was probably meant to be in Berlin for the sole purpose of meeting my partner and a few international friends, and am grateful for that. But yeah, compassion for the multiple abuse this whole nation has gone through over and over to turn into a collective sociopathic/narcissistic/ borderline culture. Unfortuanly there is no healing for the unwilling and unaware, and the trauma spreads to all who live here and have to deal with all those dynamics. Bye bye Berlin. Thanks for teaching me the beauty of the place I come from, which I was constantly despising and comparing and putting down. Italy, like many places, has lots of issues, some of which so deep it would require a complete turnover of political and entrepreneaurial class (this is not spelled right but I can't remember and am in a rush), but this place has no soul, and is allergic to all who have one and carry it on their sleeves. The hatred in their eyes when I walk on the street in my colourful clothes. The confused look of Saturn shop assistants when they see me buy something kitchen related AND also something computer related (as if they think that if you are a housewife, you must be illiterate. If you are a nerd you can't cook. What?!) Anyway, you get the gist. Let's catch up for a pizza before we are all gone, maybe at Ritrovo (Fshain) if some of you are keen. So we can laugh and breath and keep in touch from all the amazing places which we'll go and live in after this nightmare. God bless this website and the people in it. You made me see and understand and get out of that painful cognitive dissonance I was carrying around all the time. It's not ust us. It's BErlin, and in general, the German culture.
Very powerful words. Your comment really spoke to me. I was sad to read about what had happened to your partner but happy to know that you guys will be leaving this awful place before too long. Like you, my time here has really made me appreciate where I come from and gave me a longing for some meaningful human interaction. I tried it all here. Learning the language, trying to crack the code etc. In the end I felt like it wasn't really worth it.
Berlin/Gaymany is a Feminazi Hellhole .
Germany is a country full of hate. East Germans hate West Germans. Germans hate foreigners. Foreigners hate 'potatoes' aka Germans. Old people hate young people. Men hate women. The rights hates the left.
I could go on and on.
This is how paathetic and stupid lefties are, trying to imply that Trump was mocking Greta Tunaberg. www.youtube.com/watch He actualy says she is a bright and wonderful child. Fck lefties, they are the laziest scum of the earth. You like communism, go and live in China you morons and see how long you last there.
At last, a crakcdown on fascist AntiFa thugs www.breitbart.com/politics/2019/11/10/german-city-offers-100k-bounty-to-identify-violent-alt-left-antifa/
HATING BEHIND KEYBOARD, freaking LOSERS
WHY DON'T YOU JUST fornicate OFF INSTEAD OF COWARDLY
Today i went make an appointment with a psychologue, because my kid is harassed by his teacher, and emotional abuse on children it seems to be normal here. So i was making my appointment with the secretaire, and we were talking about the school system, the society, the lack of freedom etc and i told her that sometimes i just want to pack my things and run away to my country. She looked at me and said "take me with you". It sounds funny, but in fact it is very sad, two foreigner single moms(she's also a mom) , trapped in a system that do not permit children to be free and stude with dignity. I dont think all schools are shit, but in a town where there are not enough teachers, and those who teach are not real teachers? No pedagogy, no empathy, tyrannical, boring speakers. And after war against the school, writing and calling everywhere to see if we can do something to stop the evil teacher in order to change something, we just give up, and we only change ourselves and move to another school.. Or country. There is nothing we can do against the system. Nothing. You can parade your rights, blablabla... It only makes look cool how in germany people are changing things, have the power to change things hahaha ofcourse some institutions can help against discrimination, because after all it is too big to cover it, and evident! racial, gender, religious discrimination. But try to punish a teacher, an abusive teacher :) forget it. Not only your kid is punished, you are punished for trying to speak and point what is wrong. Schoold need so much people to teach that they prefer to close their eyes. I meet good people here good german and foregner people, but those have same opinion about what is going on. Life is hard here. Grundschule destroy people, humilliate, isolate, and so depressive, agressive people later in life. The system works on kids to or annihilate them(to sensitive to endure the hate) , workforce, or the elite doctors etc
The system is surnois as f
(my english is not good, sorry)
The German school system exists only to give all kids the same exact worldview and to reinforce social structures. There is no other reason that children as young as 10 are already railroaded into institutions that will ensure they'll never be more than a menial laborer. There's also no reason for the country to outright ban homeschooling (a law that was tightened to its current form under the nazis who justified it by emphasizing the need for children to be adequately indoctrinated). If I had to have a kid here it would go to a private, non-catholic school (Catholics here seem to be the biggest sadists and child abusers - but protestants seem fine, although there are so few) or an international school. But I will not have kids here because I don't want them to have to dodge methheads and public wankers on a daily basis. You're right that Germans have no concept of pedagogy but instead just pedantism. Look how much they earn in taxpayer money and prepare to vomit. One of the laziest classes of vile humans on earth and they earn 50K for basically nothing. Add to that the antiquated state of schooling here where it is assumed that no one can perform ANY job with just 10 years (or up to 13) of school and no formal training and have another laugh. School here doesn't exist to teach people to think or understand the world. It exists to teach kids ideologies, hence the major pushback against the AfD's online portal for reporting political indoctrination at school. This country is on a downward trajectory. Get out if you can.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7664725/Contestant-German-version-Britains-Got-Talent-eats-sausage-bottom.html - typical German
That show does weird sex stuff disguised as edgy humor every year. Look back through the archives on news articles and you'll see: guys playing pianos with their dicks, ugly burlesque show by obese woman, some weird creepy guy pretending to be stripped by a stranger rushing the stage, a guy wearing spandex pants with a pretend penis in his pants. Probably a lot more, just the only one I can remember off the top of my head. It's weird German media that pretends everything is normal while at the same time only reporting on degeneracy. It's like the Germans that pretend to ironically like Dieter Bohlen while genuinely liking him. It's retarded.
fornicate THESE GERMAN BASTARDS......................................
Berlin used to be cool in the 90s and cheap. Now it's just a city full of miserable, racist Germans, no opportunities and sh***. The city degrades year after year and soon most Expats will start leaving. It's also super expensive now..why would anyone want to live in such a miserable EXPENSIVE city???
Come sweet German/Eurozone recession and give us another 2008, only this time deeper, along with another mass exodus of expats and rising unemployment for Germans. I can't wait to read about Bikini Berlin and Eastside Mall being +50% empty and Germany being forced to cut Harz IV further. At least ze Jeamens won't have foreigners to blame anymore for expensive housing costs.