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Young, lazy, arty, job centre's mony sucker who spend that huge amount of money you paid in taxes to smoke weed or drink them pilsner.
I feel like I could have created this website a million times over during the last six years here. I think when I leave this city, I may well pretend I never lived here, just to avoid the stunned expressions on my English mates' faces when I say, "it's not all that, really!" However, much as I agree with many of the complaints above, I have to say that the 'lazy arty job center money sucker' stereotype ain't true of the English that I've met here, nor even the Spanish, Greeks, and other EU nationals. It DOES seem to be very very true of the German youth here, who have a completely, how can I put this, alien expectation for what their lives and jobs (if you can call an internship in a hair salon a 'job') can and will amount to. One thing I will not miss here is doing shitty, minimum wage jobs as a self-employed person in 'careers' that the category self-employed was not invented for. Such as toilet cleaning and basic administrative roles. The fact is that I am stuck doing these jobs as a 'freelancer' because the Deutsch and their misty eyed brats have willingly obliged whenever the business world told them to bend over and grab their ankles. They should be PROTESTING for fuck's sake. Not just for the refugees - who do need help too - but also for themselves!! I'm starting to think that the average German would sell his great grandma for 50 bucks to any business man who said "Naya, but it's gut for ze German economy" They've sold all their kids to degrading internships in which, unsurprisingly, they do little but scowl and play on the smartphones their parents bought them. And who can blame them? Well, I can - they actually speak the language well enough to give their government what for, but instead they fornicate around on Fakebook, posting their fantasy lives on an imaginary wall in the hopes that some other airhead will 'like' it.
Does Berlin make me more disgusted with German youths, or just with young people all around? I'm not sure yet. All I can really say is that it's given me new respect for kids from the rest of austerity-ridden Europe for making a go of it in a and where they can't speak the language, and silently, cheerfully putting up with all the BS that German peers scowl and roll their eyes at when they should be doing their bloody jobs.
For all the people who've moved out of Berlin and want to re-live the hate-and-rudeness times again, I can happily recommend checking out r/Germany on reddit. On there, you'll find classics like:
- we're not racist, we just don't like brown people in our clubs.
- look at all those stupid people in greece, ireland, portugal, and now britain. If only they were as smart and efficient as we are, they wouldnt be so poor!
- look at all those stupid, fat, and loud americans! They dont have healthcare!
- look at all those stupid, dirty, uneducated slavs. I will now completely disregard all they went through under communism and just call them lazy and stupid! Oh, and yeah, half of my country had to go through something similar, but I'll just call them stupid and lazy Ossi's too!
- how DARE you ask about how to find something/do something in Germany? Any human with half a brain would know that you have to fill out this 7 page form, register an appt 2 months in advance with The Most Holy Bureaucrat, then re-file the paperwork because you used blue ink, then you must provide your: passport, ID, insurance number, insurance card, shoe size, brand of shampoo, and a blood test. Mein gott, you auslanders are so uneducated.
- HOW DARE YOU question a certain aspect of germany culture or way of doing things. You must be lobotomized to think we are not doing something most efficient, enlightened, profound, fast, quality way mankind has every imagined.
- "This tv-tax thing is pretty weird, can you expl-" YOUR COUNTRY IS FAT/BOMBED IRAQ/POOR/HAS CROOKED TEETH/etc.
Really, whenever you're having a bad day and berlinhater.de just doesn't seem to hit the spot, just go to r/Germany and you will imbued with a new sense of joy and wonder of having gotten the fornicate out of cesspool.
Little known fact about German clubs regarding point one of the classics (- we're not racist, we just don't like brown people in our clubs.) Ever wondered why no hip hop famous artists and black techno - EDM artists play in Germany anymore, or never even tried to perform there? It's because the ones that tried have been denied entrance at clubs they tried to go almost always, there is even one case where the artists were in the VIP list and the bouncer and even the police didn't let them in with the classic super rude and obnoxious German club attitude . Later, the owner of the club tried to contact the artists after the incident but them wisely never picked up the phone ever again. No names here. But these things don't go unnoticed in the music scene.
I know of a foreign investor and owner of some VC firms who was interested in the tech companies in the city. I only know about the last incident, the one that was the last straw, he was asked to leave the restaurant in some 5 star hotel because he was staying there for too long reading the newspaper and browsing the internet and he wasn't consuming anything, but we all know that really means. Needless to say the next morning he left the city because he had too many incidents regarding xenophobia.
Can we have a referendum to remove Berlin from ... the world?
The whiny British Expats that are now worried they may have to actually GET REAL JOBS! lol
Most of the posts are relating to Germany as a whole, but not to Berlin especially. For God's sake, Berlin is not Germany. I am a German and a Berlin hater as well.
Berlin is unfriendly, overestimating itself.
Maybe the cause for the rudeness is that Berlin(West) has been an island for many years, attracting other losers for 40 years. Now they have the impression they are in the center of anything. That's why things don't happen here, that are normal in other German cities. Then people, that have lived for a long time under communist rules, that have never seen any foreigners for a long time. They are xenophobe (not only to people from other countries, but also to people, that come from former Western Germany). Berlin is the city, which is for me much more strange, that other cities in Western Europe), Paris, London are less strange for me, because I was socialized in Western Europe.
I am really astonished, that Berlin has such an attraction to people from other countries. Berlin is Wladiwostok or Minsk, ugly, poor, only a few steps to Siberia. So it is no wonder, that people who come here are massively disappointed.
Thanks for posting here - could you share what other places in Germany one might go that are different from Berlin?
I wanna point out that you yourself may have a pretty lopsided view of the East. If you go to Poznan, Cracov, or Lviv, all cities in deep post-commie places, you'll immediately notice that despite being incredibly poor and much closer to the big smelly russian bear, the people there... smile. There's even color in the streets despite people having very little resources to spare.
I think you'll be pleasantly surprised if you go to those places. You might also be even more filled with awe and disgust at just how bad, sad, rude, gray (despite tons of money) Berlin and other parts of Germany are (I've only been in the former Eastern Germany regions, so take this with a grain of salt).
Last but not least - people don't have high expectations - they merely expect what they'd expect from any other 1st world capitol city, and even from 2nd world capitol cities.
I used to live in South Germany, and it was much much better than here. The people on the South are kind of more closed, but once they open - you can make really good friends. Just keep right distance, and you'll have a chance to build a decent and joyful relationship. In Berlin it's impossible. Nobody gives a poop about you, all "friendliness" of this place is just totally superficial. So, I'd definitely agree. Germany is very much different, and I don't like it myself when people extrapolate Berlin to entire country. Thanks God, Berlin is just Berlin...
Agreed, i moved to Germany 5 years ago and only came to Berlin because for some ridiculous reason I thought I could get more work here. Berliners are a*seholes, I was shocked because my previous experience of Germans has been wonderful. There are issues all over Germany, the expensive health insurance, the threatening vibe you get in the letters from anything from the landlord to the TV license, which is also insanely expensive. I am now sh*tting myself because I'm in Berlin and I already feel like I've made a huge mistake. It's a disgusting city. No work, horrible dirty streets, massive failures to integrate immigrants, the muslims are not interested even if you try to be friendly and treat the place like a rubbish tip. I will be looking to move on as soon as possible because if I end up poor and stuck here I am f*cked.
I used to live in the hellhole entitled Berlin before escaping 2 years ago ....I ended up in the UK 5 months ago and I am getting flashbacks to Berlin (loads of unemployed people, student economy, bums and homeless everywhere) systems that don't work.... the only difference is that British people are on the whole friendly, whereas Germans are cold rude robots....anyway I will NEVER live in UK or Berlin again - both are total dumps on their way out.... shame.
This City is a great misfortune,it must be cursed or something.
ALMOST had to take a job in Berlin - after promising I would NEVER return to that idiot 1.5 years ago...luckily I managed to get a job in another city...funnily if the job had been in a different city I might have taken it..but not Berlin ...NO WAY I will returmn there ...most UK cities are like Berlin (no jobs, bums and druggies everywhere, tons of students and bad vibes) so I dont recommend you flee here either .....peace out.
I've lived in Berlin for a year and today I've discovered sanity! I've discovered this place! I've always thought that something must be wrong with me for hating this place, that maybe I'm growing old, or maybe something's wrong with my brain, but NO! There are so many other people right here that are bitching about things that make me go crazy that I finally feel sane again!
Everything written on this site is absolutely true. All the xenophobia, rudeness, dog shit, broken systems, bureaucracy, insane laws, insane people, crazy bikers - all of it is true!
You want to make friends? No way, because you're not a German ie. you're not superior. You know how in the US you got Irish-Americans, Italian-Americans, etc.? No such thing here, you either assimilate or you are ostracized! Forget your culture, throw out everything you hold dear - it's only fussball, beer, and how fat americans are ha ha ha. I've literally had people switch from English to German when talking with me because theyre so xenophobic. You know how you know you've become accepted by the neighbors? They begin to acknowledge you by _scowling_ at you instead of just flat out ignoring you. Customer service? Those people will LIE right to your face if it means you freaking off. Also, haven't seen this mentioned here before but Berliners hog the street like crazy. You will have a family of 4 stop in the middle of the sidewalk, spread out, force you to pass them by stepping onto the street because, I kid you not, they just _thought_ of something! People will never make way for you if they see you walking fast or running because fornicate you.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Once you meet some Berliners, they will immediately start telling you how everything you do is WRONG because they are almost done with their PhD. We're talking about grown people here, aged 30 or more, who live with parents and who have never had a job in their life trying to teach you about life itself. These people will tell you about the world, about politics, about everything and you will feel like you're talking with your friend's 13 year old cousin that just finished watching Transformers and thinks it was a documentary.
What also gets me is this absolute belief in rules and systems. If a system is in place, it has to be the best thing ever. You gotta wait for 2 months to register, so that you can open a bank account, after which you have to wait 6 months to get a credit card? This must be all right and good, you stupid foreigner, some meister _designed_ this system, right? How can you, silly foreigner, comprehend the glorious 1000-year bureau-reich? Oh, and don't forget that there is a Proper Time and Proper Place for everything. There is a set of clothing if you want to exercise and a set of clothing if you're taking a brisk walk, and a set of clothing for taking slow walks. These people are insanely consumerist but they will deny it with all hearts while thinking of another useless freaking gadget to buy for their 2500euro+ bicycle that they never ride because their lovely compatriots will steal it.
Everything in this country that should be easy is hard - going to the doctor, opening a business, making friends, having fun, being polite, asking questions... Oh god, ever ask a Berline for help? The fornicate you're getting any help, you'll just get a scowl and something that translates to "IDONTKNOWBYE".
And again, I must circle back to the topic of xenophobia because it is so common here. Germans will easily tell you that 2nd or 3rd generation children of Turkish immigrants aren't Germans because of some stupid reason, suffice to say that anyone with non-white skin simply cannot be German. Germans are famous for being tourists and you'd think that seeing so many other places is educational, but alas, it is not - I get the feeling that when Germans visit other countries, it's like visiting a zoo for them - it's entertaining to look at all those funny animals and their funny, untermenchen culture. They will speak of absolutely normal things like jaywalking or raccoons or, god forbid, children mowing lawns to earn some summer money (all income in germany must be taxes, therefore any un-registered labor is completely and utterly verboten. Remember, when you shovel snow for a neighbor for 20 bucks, it's like you're giving a sexual act to hitler) - they talk about it as if they saw people walking on their hands. "Ha ha ha, crazy americans, can you believe anyone there can open a business? That's crazy Hans, what if someone Breaks a Rule? What if someone pays One Penny Less of Taxes Than They Owe? Don't they know their hole country will implode? Oh Otto, let me now tell you about the crazy...".
Ugh. Enough. I feel cleansed after getting this off my chest. But there's much more. I can't wait to get out of here, I dream of it. Now, that I know I'm sane, I have to hasten my preparation to leave this dump.
Fellow inmates of this shit-hole of city, fear not, we will escape this place! All of us! Sooner or later, we will be free and this city will crumble back into the bog that spawned it.
Haha good job mate, I had a blast reading your post. Sadly, everything you say is true!
When you say "customer service lies to your face", I can only applaud.
I went to a cloth shop last week, sale lady there looking like she's about to commit suicide, no smile on her face whatsoever approaches me and asked "do you need help?" I didn't want to be bothered so I simply replied "danke, aber ich spreche kein Deutsch". I want on wandering in the shop and taking some items into my little basket, then the old sale woman asks one of her younger co worker to tell me that I can't buy only one nor two items but I am obliged to take 3 of them (they had a special discount for 3 items bought but in no way the customer HAS to buy 3 items...) So that young worker comes and tells me in English "you must buy 3, not only one or two" and then leaves and tells her boss or whatever that she told me I had no choice but buy 3 items, laughing stupidly.
I turned around and said "you know I actually understand what you say, right?" They both blushed looking like robots and looked down as I left pissed off but at the same time happy I didn't spend one cent on their shaddy business.
See, this is how they treat foreigners here: people we can just make fun of, disrespect, belittle and rip off.
Fu.ck this joke of a city
This happened to a friend of mine, he got out the supermarket with too many bags and offered a kid 5€ to help him carry the bags to his apartment 3 blocks away from him, the boy was going to agree but some woman overheard the conversation and starting screaming and the lady actually started yelling and accusing him of solicitation. He had no option but to leave the supermarket as fast as he could with as many bags as he could carry because he was terrified of that attitude, even worse he heard that the police was coming so he ran away. He no longer lives in the city and I plan to leave after the summer too. It's not ok to offer people money for small tasks but it's completely fine to give away money for free for drugs and such. I guess that's the German logic way.
Berlin is a post-communist city and you should adjust your expectations accordingly. Coming from Eastern Europe, I am used to dull architecture, rude attitudes and dysfunctional administration. I can kinda shrug it off.
Also, I knew about the german culture before, about the pathologically competitive and calculating people, unable to form a genuine connection, always on the mission to save the world, make fun of your inferior ways and complain about everything good or bad. Whatever, I can live with that, as long as there are foreigners living here.
The combination, however, is almost unbearable. The post-communist hostile society combined with ruthless capitalistic economy, the narcissistic superiority complex combined with the laziness and ignorance. But I had a feeling that there is so much going on that I'll find freaks just like me and I'll be ok.
And I am ok. I learned to not smile too much. I learned to not talk to people. I learned that people will bump into you on the sidewalk, either out of spite or because they have no concept of "other people" except them. And I am ok. not great, but ok.
However, I am not ok with the fact that this pile of poop is sprinkled with glitter, packaged, marketed and sold as an upcoming city, tech startup hub, cultural melting pot full of great artists, musical underground, hippie utopia or scientific center or whatnot. It's not.
All that noise is bullshit. This city is an alcoholic that pissed itself, sleeping while standing up, having a great time on his most recent hit of heroin. It's a bearded idiot on his fixie bike proud of his ignorance. It's a rude 12 years old kid on some kind of painkillers that will kick you for no reason. Screw that.
Oh man, so true! I think I've had enough time to taste all of these "fruits" and all of them are rotten inside.
Most of my experience has to do with the "startup scene" and it's a darn joke! None of the start ups are doing anything innovative (probably because it is VERBOTEN or something) and I mean - how can they? Any sort of improvement or innovation is frowned upon in this country. You're either a company making cars or selling insurance or you're a nobody. God damnit, they even have those old ladies doing toilet duty - the most degrading job I've ever heard of, all in the name of avoiding any sort of change like the plague. Most foreign workers that came here, lured by the "hot start up scene" are sick and tired of it and wanna get away from it and move to someplace warm where people are nice. I mean, most of these start ups should win "The Most Unambitious Company of the Year" awards. First, you got poop that are just plain rip-offs of other companies, then you got the "big guns", but their products look like they were made 10 years ago (and coded in PHP, lol, what a joke), then you got the pump-and-dump start-ups: companies that have an idea like 'facebook for dogs', so they get funding for a year and they sit around, drinking club mate, until their money runs out - nice, easy job for a year, free money essentially. Funniest thing I've seen in this space: serious PhD "informatikers" completely and utterly disdaining front-end developers for not working in "industrial" languages like C++. Too bad that you got all these PhDs and none of them can make a decent looking product, even a decently functioning product.
I once had to work for a "top tier" financial company that thought having a SQL server was edgy and innovative. Stable companies (i.e. not startups) in Germany aren't that much different. Still, I'm glad to see other people scammed by startups here. I've been thinking of making an anonymous site for startup workers in Berlin so people working in the city and abroad can actually share their awful experiences so that the rest of the world knows what is really going on in the "startup capital of Europe". PD the front end development in C complaint I've heard it so many times already is no longer funny to me.
I went down the same road and tried to register my business in Germany cuz I lived there and I had an idea that I wanted to make real. Long story short, they even brought a social worker to convince me not to because "reasons", they even asked me if I had ties with Iran and Iraq, even though I'm hispanic and almost all my family comes from Florida. All this was in 2013 if this had happened in 2016, good lord I cannot even imagine what it might have happened. Now I have my business registered in Delaware, it costed me somewhere around 300$. I'm glad I did it because I don't have to pay 50% income tax to Germans and maybe other weird hidden very German taxes that make no sense.
What do I hate about the city well:
I hate that one in 10 Germans wants country to be led by a 'Führer' (dictator)
I hate that eleven percent of respondents say that Jews have too much influence in society.
I hate that twelve percent think Germans are by nature superior to other people.
Tell me about that 1/3 French believe in Marie Le Pen and half of Austria wants a far-right president but Germany ain't too far back.
www.thelocal.de/20160615/one-in-every-ten-germans-wants-to-be-led-by-fuhrer
Also related Why German mistrust made Hitler's Mein Kampf a bestseller again
By Thomas Weber University of Aberdeen www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-36536317
Awesome weather we have ... darkness and rain ... feels like it will never stop.
Here's the problem. One you first come to Berlin and meet some people, you don't realize that most of them are from other places in Germany.
So you have a few conversations and you think, great, this place seems friendly enough, but what you don't realize is that it s not going to go any further, there will be no chance to flirt and feel out the situation, maybe just to have a platonic (should be called paltonic) friendship, because if you give them your phone or email address, you will never hear back. If you get their ph/email, and you contact them again, they will say they are busy with exams or working one of their two or three jobs to survive, but maybe on the 17th of next month at 13.27, they can have a tea with you for 43 minutes, because on the 23rd they are going away and will need a week to get organized for the trip, but they will be back in three months time, so maybe a month after that we could meet, on the 26th Sept at 15.05, but maybe just a quick meeting because I will have to prepare for my university semester.
This is a constant scenario. For awhile you think, that's OK, soon enough I'll crack the code.
So you decide that Berlin is not going to defeat you. OK, but here is the biggest fault we make. Because so many Germans speak English, beautifully, I might add, we get lulled into a false sense of security and think that we can get away with not learning German formally. We get log into DuoLingo.com and start trying to make sense of the cases and gender grammar, but after a few days, we think, this is just too mcuh nonsense, why the fack do we need to call something by it's gender. Also, we can't even remember the formal rules of our own language, even if we speak it very well, because we are used to the short-cut colloquialisms that we've grown up with, and there-in-lies-the-rub (try saying that phrase to a German) because they have the reverse problem, they can't understand a lot of our slang, and so they feel that it's hard work to keep up with us in conversations and they are also scared of looking uneducated, stupid or dumb, so they avoid speaking English as much as possible, no matter how good we think they speak it.
If a German came to live in London - something that will probably never happen - and they didn't speak any English, I don't think we would welcome them with open arms as well and it would be awkward and hard work trying to communicate with them, so we'd probably tend to avoid them, because we wouldn't be able to banter with them, because they just wouldn't get our inyourendos and intimations, asides, overtones and allusions etc.
The other problem is that we are not sure how long we are staying, so spending so much time on a new language that can't be used anywhere else in the world, except some Nazi hidey-hole in Argentina, we think, why bother, they speak English, who needs German. Big, big mistake, because they just win't invite you anywhere because they don't want to burden themselves and their friends with the task of speaking English all night, and even if you have learned German to some level, you still won't get all their inyourendos and intimations, asides, overtones and allusions etc. Of course they won't miss having fun with absurdity, because everything about their culture is absurd, so they don't see the funny side of it, they are like "zo vy ist das funnee, ist just der vay it ist, why are you laughing, it's zo childish to do zo".
I mean, why the F* have die der das, what possible good does it do to have to learn such redundancies. Umlauts, don't get me started on umlauts and the ch sound, that you think you have right and then someone laughs and says, "no that is the Bavarian way of saying it".
What is the retro 70's fashion of the people who live f=don't get off the U8 by OsloerStr, but keep going to parts that no one else has ever been to. I saw two middle aged twins with khaki shorts that were pulled up so high they were strangling their nuts and short sleeve shirts tucked into them with ties, and here's the thing, they were looking at my light blue Velo shoes as though I was some kind of weirdo alien. It was one of the most surreal moments of my time in Berlin, and believe me I've seen some weird stuff, and I'm not even talking about guys people with tattoos all over their necks and faces, or others who think it's in some way cool to have huge cirlce earrings in their earlobes, I saw one guy who added weights and his lobe was dangling about three inches lower than where the other 99.999999999% of the population have their's.
The nose rings make me feel ill. It's almost like a uniform to have these cheap gimmicks plastered all over their bodies, and then they wonder how they ended up with piss and sh.it stained pants and smelling like a sewer, no, make that worse than a sewer as they sleep off their cheap wine in u-bahn stations and all the little do-gooders run around feeding them or giving them money to buy more booze, it's like buying someone with lung cancer a packet of ciggies. Here's a tip, let them bottom out and then they will be forced to get back into the realiity of the world where their no such thing as a free lunch.They make me embarrassed to be a human being, how can anyone let themselves go that low. I've seen alcoholics in many countries, but some of these people are only in their twenties. The worst thing is when they traipse through the trains with a beaten up paper cup, standing over you for money. I just close my eyes now and say, "danke, aber nein". And seeing the thousands of people scavenging through the rubbish bins for bottles, picking up butts off the street, eating snadwiches they have pulled out of the trash bin, all while holding a bottle of cheapo beer. Skoll!!! No wonder there are so many losers, they are all addicted to the cheap beer and smokes.
OK, get me started on the jerk-off bicyclists who scream at people in full Nazi-German at any tourist who has accidentally wandered onto their hallowed turf. I often pull tourists over when they are on the bicycle path and with a smile, worn them about the German imbeciles that will yell at them. They usually thank me.
What's with the morons who smash beer bottles on the bike paths. And the psychopaths who steal bicycles. Do they have no conscience, not to mention the hoards of pickpockets, and the guys on the U8 who female genitalia your iPhone just as the door of the train is about to close and make a runner leaving you stranded in the train as you watch them make their getaway.
Even the slightest skirmish attracts a battalion of police cars and then a squad of ambulances and fire trucks. Although for the majority of people, I think the police here are pretty cool, but hello, why the hell do they allow hundreds of Africans to openly sell drugs on the street. These druggies are making a mockery of the police. How can someone come to another person's country and stand around all day harassing people to buy drugs from them. They really make the Berlin police look like Keystone Kops. They have driven families away from Gorlitzer Park and now they are taking over Revaler Str.
OK, now get me started on the BVG shop personnel. My god, have they never heard of the term customer service? I went in one day with my monthly tickets and placed them on the change tray and pointing to the ticket politely said "ich mochte ein monat fahrkarte, fon heute bitte". She looked at me and scowled something in Berliner Schnauzer, I looked back totally confused an asked, "kann du sprech bischen English", she yelled back "Was, was", I said "why don't you look at the ticket", with that the other seller said, "hey, watch your language", I said "what language", she said "I don't like your tone, it sounds unfriendly", with that I just broke out in uncontrollable laughter, try ti splutter out the words "a BVG employee calling someone else unfriendly, that's comedy gold". I just couldn't stop laughing at the absurdity of it all. These BVG people, are sociopaths of the first order.
Your i a hurry to get a bahn ticket from the machine, you click all the right buttons and then, you just wait and wait and wait as your train doors close and finally you see the ticket drop. I'm sorry, but I've been served quicker in a Berlin post office, OK, that's a lie and you know it is, because there is no way you are going to get any change from 15 minutes on the queue, or the snake, as Berliners like to call it, which is quite charming, but not as cute as hand shuhe for gloves, or a traveling wheel for a bicycle, the translated meaning for fahrrad.
When I first came to Berlin, and English friend of mine said "Berlin girls are cute, until you live with them". I thought he was exaggerating, but two relationships later, I wish I had listened more closely to his blatant warning. Talk about control freaks. All they ever want to do is argue with you. They will never praise anything you do and very rarely even say thank you. No matter what you do with a German girlfriend, it will be wrong, if you go left, it's wrong, so you double back and go right and that will be wrong as well. You can't please them.
Phone-line customer service, :o)))) OK, where do we start. No, too traumatic to bring all those frustrating expensive calls up from the past.
"The Rules", that are never to be broken, under any circumstances. Especially the rul about waiting like a total, idiot for the green man with the funny hat before you cross the road, even though there are cars for one km either side at 01.00am. OK, if there are children there, fine, I see their point, but even of there are no children, the dirty looks you get from Berliners could kill when you cross against the red OstBerlin icon.
Who are the imbeciles who do all the tagging around Berlin? Are they totally retarded?
Berlin is one huge urinal, just piss anywhere you want, in front of whoever you want.
Who built the floors in apartments that reverberate every step of the numbskulls upstairs, I say numbskulls, because like me, they must be numbskulls to still be in Berlin.
What's with the TV licence even when you don't have a TV, radio or internet connection in your apartment. "oh" they say "but you can access public radio from your phone", but even if you didn't have a phone, they will still charge you the whopping €17.50 per month, that's €7 billion per year, €7 billion, not million, billion.
The nasty unfriendly people who are supposed to "serve" you in Saturn or T-Mobile make me feel ill, just thinking about them. I remember going into a supermarket in Japan and there was a beautiful/demure you woman greeting me wit a bow from the waist and a greeting "Konnichiwa". It really felt good to see her smile, whether she meant it of not. Here it's my like a scowl and a grunt for making them have to work, if you are lucky, usually you will be given a cold shoulder or a look as though you should order "NOW". "Stop thinking and order, you stupid English speaker".
My god, can you imagine where Berlin would be without all that English-speaking currency from all over the world. They would be in the same boat as Romania.
I came here as one of the most positive, happy, friendly and optimistic people in the world, and after a weeks's holiday in the south of France, I realize that when I leave Berlin very soon, I will again become that person, instead of the cynical beast I've become, just to survive this despicable place.
Berlin is a great big bore. Especially that guy on the door at Berghain what a pretentious *****. I can't understand any person who is not psychologically damaged, wanting to go back again, it is the most over-rated club ever. The best club in Berlin is Ritter Buske, there's a tip newcomers. But remember, if you get groped by some beautiful girl, it's only because she is on ecstasy etc, you will never hear from her again after that night.
OK, RULE NUMBER ONE. NEVER and I mean NEVER, lend anyone money in Berlin, unless you are willing to never see it again. They will never get enough to pay you back and will probably have to scarper back home before they ever find a job that will pay more than enough to just scrape by each month.
And never, ever think you will find people to cooperate with you, because Germans only know competition, survival of the fittest. Don't fall through the cracks here. Better to go to a smaller city that is not so anonymous. I actually know many people in Berlin, but I couldn't say one was a friend and I make friends very easily wherever I travel. Another strange thing is that with all my acquaintances, I very rarely bump into them on the street, it's just too big a city.
Oh, did I mention the huge cost for health insurance. You are in for a big shock. Better visit Hans Merkur before being ripped off by a broker. Also, shop around for a tax agent, because they will try to charge you all sorts of exorbitant prices for a business plan to take to the Auslander Behorder, where you will have to wait for three months for an appointment with a surly DDR frau, in a building that looks like it was probably an old Stasi interrogation headquarters.
But, in saying all of this, I actually feel sorry for Berliners, because what has made them this way is a history of never ending conflict and upheaval and they have of course passed all their fears onto their kids.
Don't ever expect to be invited to a Berliner's house or apartment. You see in the Stasi times, they were too scared to invite neighbours over, in case they saw a book or record that was from the West and they might report them to the Stasi police. This of course has filtered down to the kids "never trust anyone Klaus, do you hear, no one".
Also, never ask a Berliner for help with a question, they will not make any effort to go out of their way to help you. They have the social graces of wild boar.
Here;s my advice for you, come here for a holiday to see the freak show, have a good laugh and enjoy being disgusted and then leave, just leave and don't come back unless it's for another holiday.
I haven't even mentioned the BER airport fiasco, what a joke.
The stink of doner joints by the thousand, boring bakeries on every corner and spatis, all selling the lowest common denominator food, alcohol and tobacco, the main staples for Berliners, who are going to be left behind as Berlin comes into the new reality of globalism. The arty party is over. When I leave, I will still come back for holidays, because one good thing about Berlin in small doses, is that you realize just how sane you are.
If you are stuck here, don't get to thinking you are going to crack the code, you see their is no code, it's just a lame place full of lame losers.
OK, that's the positive side to Berlin, now would you lie to hear the negative stuff :o) Don't get me started.
By the way, I didn't even mention registering with the police and the burger amt. For Christ's sake don't say you are a Catholic or you will be taxed 10% of your earnings, I kid you not. Ok, that's enough, I think you get the gist.
Berlin 201 - Advanced studies in nonsense. I liked how you dissected the most relevant aspects in such a comprehensive way. I left the city a few months ago and I still feel scared by the city but what you've mentioned is true, after you leave the city, you realize how sane you are, even if you are a darker version of your former self. I guess with time you can get back to a better state. And that comes from a guy who lived in Berlin for many years and had studied German for years before coming to the country, in a way "the kind of foreigners Germans like (but not really)".
Damn, you deserve an award for this post. Perfectly accurate.
I particularly enjoyed the part in which you write about the fuck.ing TV licence fee. Since I don't own a TV nor radio I have always refused to pay for what I believe is a big as.s scam (it's been almost 3 years now but I should be leaving the country in 3 months or so), I have debt collector agents and bailiffs running after my as.s, I could even go to the jail for this nonsense!
No wonder the german economy is doing "well", they rip their citizens off in every possible way.